Setting up a reading for The Cairo Detective

Also I am in fact going to address some of the typographical errors in the text although I am incredibly reticent to do so. I wanted this to be a product entirely of my own make and design and wanted the completed product to be not something which could be undermined by subsequent drafts or releases. I would love to be able to provide some kind of extra content however to those who were early adopters of The Cairo Detective, and therefore a I will publish and email a new short story to anyone who has already purchased the book and feels short changed that I will now go back and edit out some of the most glaring typos. I hope this will make up for any pangs you may feel. Back to fun stuff, I can announce that a local producer in Indianapolis is interested in turning The Cairo Detective into a feature film. His first suggestion was to cast Steve Buscemi in the lead role. At first I didn't know about that idea as my female readers seem to think of Jonas as a sexy guy and I'm not sure Buscemi pulls that off. It's interesting to see how guys and gals respond differently to the material. Thanks for reading.

Indiana Peach

First review at Amazon UK from a verified purchaser

Immerse yourself in the trials and tribulations of Jonas, our sexy protagonist, who gets into scrapes, drinks beer and tries to do the right thing by the ladies. As the last private detective in Cairo, he has a lot on his plate and is soon dragged into troubles including murder, smuggling and fishing, but he always manages to keep his sense of humour. If you want a slice of real Americana with a dash of Midwestern charm then this is the book for you. I loved it and I recommend listening to Portishead's Glory Box whilst you read this, it sets an appropriately sultry tone.

(here is a link to the Amazon UK site)

Another review

The Last Cairo Detective : CSAC gives you no answers, only questions. It skips the chapter one prequel BS you normally get with 'series' and puts you into the life of Jonas, the last detective in Cairo, Ill. For those of you reading the title thinking about eygpt, this is the first curve ball Peaches throws at you but not the last. Jonas wants to come off like a self prevervationist, and a man willing to do spy work for money, but not sell his soul for it. but when he takes up for a waitress he occassionaly sees being haressed by a cop, you realize there is more to this man than he or the author wants you to know right off.

A cheating wife of a pizza delivery man, A young neighbor Priest, a drinking buddy cop, and two lesbians are quickly introducted. Peachs says fuck exposition. first time authors always fall into the trap of telling you a story, pointing you in a direction, but Indiana Peach does not. he simply shows you. Each character is unique and speaks in their own voice. the dialog snaps. there is no fat. there is no moment that the characters talk for the reader instead of for themselves. This is one books second greatest asset, which is that unlike so many writers, MR PEACH doesnt write this book for you. its not you story. its not going where you want it to, where you think it might. I will not call out writers who purposely write to give their readers exactly what they want, ok i will, aka the author of twilight and to a certain extent JK Rowling. This short never does that, another great feat of a first time author. Not once does the reader get a feel of where the story is headed, its Jonas's story and the reader is just along for the ride.

As in all mystery novels, a simple job takes a turn for the worse, then it takes another turn, and then near the end another one. It ends with a cliffhanger, with our irritable heros life in the balance. Will he make it out ? of course, this is only part one. But the greatest complement you can give a piece of entertainment is what i give to part one of the The LAST CAIRO DETECTIVE , which is to say i want to know what happens next.

Ronnie James Dio

My first official review for The Cairo Detective

Full disclosure: this is not an unbiased book review. This review is for a book written by a personality that I, and indeed, many of you, know well. Talkbacker’s own Indiana Peach, also known by his Tribe+ name of Goldeneye. Also known as OfficeSpace. Also known as BlueChipsPG13. And of course, known most affectionately by many of us as simply “cunt”. But cunt or not, Indiana Peach is my BFF, and so I absolutely cannot promise anything remotely resembling a fair and balanced overview of his work. On the other hand, I don’t really care much if I hurt his feelings (he’s a cunt, remember?) so I feel that I am in a unique position to offer some honest insight into this promising young author’s equally promising debut work of literature: Curb Stomp a Crocodile, book one of The Cairo Detective series.

People tend to mistake Peach’s antics for evidence of some form of mental incapacity. Along with the fact that he tends to revel in being both deliberately abstruse and obstinately obtuse, the thought is that here is a man who is really nothing more than a clown, a Dojo simpleton, merely here to annoy us and to amuse himself.

Well, get it through your heads, people. This class-clown wrote a goddamn mystery novel, and it’s pretty goddamn good. Can you write a mystery novel? Of course not. It’s crazy hard. I have no idea how he did it. It’s like he’s smart or something. In fact, after reading this book, I would like to compare him to George Newman, “Weird” Al Yankovic’s character from UHF. Why? Because he’s got imagination.

The characters in this book are really alive. You can see them perfectly in your mind’s eye as the story sweeps you along in a roller-coaster ride of sex, violence, and intrigue. A true pulp noir classic.

Peach has style. He flubs it here and there, gets a little too “jokey” — one senses he is never afraid to merely amuse himself, reader be damned, although he keeps a better reign on this than the average Dojo regular might expect — but always his propulsive prose is there to throw you a colorful metaphor or a delightful visual, keeping you interested, keeping your fingers turning those pages.

The dialogue is fearless. I can tell you as someone who has written endless reams of bad dialogue. Peach fuckin’ goes for it. If you’ve been following this Disqus monster for any length of time, you will recognize much of him in his characters. His voice is peppered throughout. One suspects, particularly (and not unexpectedly), that this voice arises primarily in Jonas, the eponymous Detective of Cairo, Illinois (and that’s pronounced care-oh, by the way). But it also surfaces in the intriguing figure that shares business space with the Detective — Father Krupke. Krupke and Jonas are Peach’s superego and id. You decide which is which.

The book has everything. Golf. Fishing poles. Girl-on-girl. Cops eating doughnuts. All of that in merely the opening chapters. I don’t want to spoil anything so I won’t tell you if there’s a murder or not. But it is a mystery novel, so there’s probably at least a body. And how it all works out is pure plotting genius. An excellent book, and highly recommended to those who want to have a hell of a good time reading a fun little mystery on a Sunday afternoon.

by Beef and Onions

A reader from Canada sent me this picture

Only two orders of business left

1. The Amazon page needs to reset with their server so as to fix two or three remaining issues.
2. The Kindle version goes live.

Then onto New Business.

An excerpt from The Cairo Detective

I live in a house on the outskirts of Cairo. What am I saying? Everything is the outskirts here. The vacant lots are piled with scrap. If four walls are standing, it’s the exception. You cannot imagine the loneliness of the city unless you visit. You can hear the river everywhere it is so stone silent. At night, one thinks anything may be possible. I once heard a story that a bear walked into a restaurant in Cairo one evening, tucked a diner under each arm, and walked out. In Cairo, you can almost believe such a story.

People don’t exactly just up and disappear in Cairo. But there has been an exodus happening for almost half a century, and it’s not uncommon for a family to suddenly not be here any more. Their car gone, house emptied. No trace. No goodbye. Just the sound of the river, and at night, in the fall, the naked branches touching fingertips with dry leaves. That’s Cairo.

I got home and my cat was flicking his tail on the porch. I was too tired and it was too late for us to acknowledge each other. I just wanted to get inside, open up two cans of ravioli, and get drunk. I only had one pack of Camels left. I put the ravioli on the stove and opened the screen door to my porch and stepped outside. I tore off the silver shield and let the cold air mix with the smoke. It ruffled my hair. I heard the seal on my scotch break and brought the green bottle up for a big swig. Then another drag from my Camel. The ravioli was bubbling away. My cat was out of sight for the moment. I waited for a couple minutes. I looked at the neighbor’s yard. It was quiet. Another blast from my scotch bottle. When I righted it the liquid splashed down with an audible cushhh. Those had been two big time slugs.

I made the anticipatory move of filling my cat’s bowl before serving myself. He looked expectant when he saw me sit down to supper, but then noticed his bowl already filled! We dined happily together in silence. I smoked inside. Fuck. I love smoking inside.

buy the book at Amazon